How NOT to Raise a Bully

By Mommy Donna and Kib - March 15, 2019

Bullying is a very hot issue these days.  A lot of people get pretty emotional whenever they hear stories about bullying.  We immediately get mad at the bully and show sympathy to the bullied.  

We always think of being a victim to a bully and we always tell our children on what to do should a bully tries to provoke them.  We have never thought of the opposite: WHAT IF MY CHILD IS THE BULLY?

We always teach our kids to fight back the bully, but it never crosses our minds on how not to raise a bully.  

Of course, we don't want our child to be labelled as the bully.  

However, there are things that we forget to teach and emulate to our children that makes them the bully.  Parents who easily give in when the child misbehaves can be one of the signs that we are raising a bully unconsciously.  In addition to that, parents who are too busy with their respective careers and has little or no time to focus on the child's needs is also one of the possible reasons for raising a bully.  

Parenting is really a hard job to do.  It's really hard to raise a child with good values.  We thought that by giving everything to the child will make him/her a fine individual but sometimes it is not the case.  When kids make mistakes, they should know that they would be held accountable for their actions and parents should not cover up for them.  If we do not let our children realize the consequences of their actions, we are raising a problem child.  When parents cover up for the mistakes of their children, they think that it is OKAY for them to do something that is unacceptable because his/her parents will do something about it.

It's high time that we should do something about it!  We don't want to raise a generation who are liars, irresponsible, ill-mannered, and disrespectful.  Let us raise a generation who are loving, forgiving, respectful, hardworking, and kind!

Here are some ways on raising a well-mannered child and not a bully:

1.  Teach your kid self-control.  When our child sees us getting pissed off at trivial things, we are showing them that it is okay to easily get mad.  Teach our kids to control their emotions and not just burst out when they didn't get what they want.  In order to do that, let us also not easily give in to their tantrums and whinings.  We must also learn how to delay gratification.  For example, when you put away gadgets because it's dinner time and all of a sudden the kid whines and doesn't want to eat anymore, make the child realize that if he/she doesn't eat, the more that the child won't get his/her gadget back.  In addition to that, we must not also be seen checking out our own mobile phones during meal times.

Teaching self-control also teaches the child that they cannot have anything they want in an instant.  They have to learn to be patient and that they also have to work on some things before they get what they wanted.  

2.  Teach your kid respect for others.  Saying "please", "thank you" and "sorry" GENUINELY is hardly heard from young children these days.  In addition to that, as Filipinos, we must also teach our children to say "po" and "opo" when talking to old people and even strangers.  We must teach our children to show respect to ALL PEOPLE regardless of their rank, position, and social status.  For example, when our children see us saying derogatory remarks to a salesclerk, traffic enforcer, or even their teachers in school, it shows that parents are more powerful than those people.  We are all created equally by God so we mustn't show that we are more superior than others.  

3.  Teach your kid to only use kind words to others.  Labelling, teasing, and saying curse words to others is a no-no.  Teach our children not to point out on the weaknesses of other people and when they feel angry, tell them not to say curse words to the person.  Get mad at the wrong deed done and not against the individual who did it.  Just like what Jesus did, hate the sin and not the sinner.  

4.  Teach your kid NOT TO fight back.  It is contrary to what most parents will say when they are faced with bullies.  Teach self-defense, not retaliation; they are two different things.  As much as possible, teach your kid to keep his/her cool when faced with provoking situations.  Remind your child to tell people in authority if he/she is in a compromising situation.  Remind your child not to hide anything from you especially if the concern affects him/her emotionally, physically, and socially.  Once you get the details of the incident, confront the situation objectively and do not let your emotions rule over you.  If you think you cannot handle confronting the situation, have someone with you who can speak on your behalf.

5.  Teach your kid to be humble.  This is the most important value among all the things mentioned above in raising a well-mannered child.  A child who commits mistakes should be humble enough to admit it and not reason out why such action was done.  A wrongdoing should NEVER be justified in all circumstances.  Apologize sincerely and accept whatever consequences of his/her actions may have.  Parents must not condone irrational behaviors too.  It doesn't mean that we do not love our children if we let them suffer the consequences.  It's what you call tough love.  

Just like you, I am not a perfect parent.  I am not an expert in parenting.  I am still struggling on being a good model to my child.  Parenting is a work in progress.  All of the things mentioned above also requires modelling.  Let us be good examples to our children.  When they commit mistakes, let us make them accountable for their mistakes and not cover up for them.  

Let us raise a generation of full of love to others!

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