Tying the Knot? Consider Premarital Counseling First

By Mommy Donna and Kib - January 18, 2019

Premarital Counseling as a Therapy for a Healthy Married Life

It's another year!  For sure, there are lots of couples who are scheduled to get married this year.  A lot of engaged couples are now busy with the preparations for their wedding.  

In the Philippines, it is a prerequisite to undergo an orientation before getting a marriage license.  However, that orientation isn't that extensive, it's only about the basic reminders on living a married life.  It doesn't even include an option of letting the couple think deeply first before tying the knot.  

Couples slated to be married thought that they are already ready to live under one roof.  With their long-term relationship, they felt that they already know each other because they are already comfortable being together.  They never thought that things might change when they are already living together, with little or no option of breaking away from the legal bonds of marriage.  They thought marriage will further prove their love for each other and seal that love by saying their vows to each other.  

At first, all engaged couples think that they will live a fairytale love story forever....but in reality it isn't all lying in a bed of roses.

Only few couples undergo private premarital counselling here in the Philippines.  Couples find counselling as invasive and impractical.  They never thought of the long-term advantages of undergoing such.  

Here are some of the advantages of undergoing premarital counselling:

1.  It gets you to know your partner way beyond on what you already know.  There is a saying, "What you don't know won't hurt you."  Most of the time we get to know things about our partner when it's over, and the partner will justify that it won't affect the relationship that you have.  Wrong!  Anything that compromises your loyalty to your partner is something that your partner must know.  

In premarital counselling, each one will be given an opportunity to pour out everything and assess each other's reactions on each revelation.  There are cases that one freaks out upon knowing his/her fiancee's darkest secrets and he/she immediately ends the relationship, stating that there is a breach of trust.  It is a sad reality, but it happens.  Premartial counselling helps the engaged couple to still patch up despite of the harsh truth revealed before marriage.  It still gives hope to the couple that they can forgive each other and move on leaving that ugly past behind.

2.  It gives you an idea on what to expect once you are starting to live in one roof.  Premarital counselling is not all about scaring the engaged couple about marriage.  It is more of helping the couple in setting realistic expectations about married life.  Most of the time couples think that nothing will be changed once they get married since they thought that they already know each other.  In reality, marital life is more than just knowing each other; it is also embracing each other's flaws and finding a way to compromise always.

3.  It lets you give an opportunity to sort out your differences prior to marriage and find ways to meet in-between.  There are cases that the engaged couples don't talk about their differences prior to their marriage and just do something about it after marriage, since they are too busy with all the wedding preparations.  This is another way of dealing with married life.  There are some concerns and beliefs that should be agreed upon before settling down, like religion, finances, and relationship with future in-laws.  If couples can't find a common ground to talk about these matters, undergoing a premarital counselling may help them to come up with a compromise.

Lastly, prayer works in having a healthy marital relationship.  If you are really decided to tie the knot to your current partner, always cover your partner in prayer.  Dedicate to God your relationship.  

Once again, for engaged couples out there, congratulations and best wishes!  

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