Unconventional Us

By Mommy Donna and Kib - May 27, 2015

I must say, we have a unique family set-up.  I'm a single mom, a work-from-home mom, homeschooling mom, and a stage mom.  My son is never been under the care of a yaya.  When I was still working outside our home, it was my mom who took care of my son.  I also bring my son to his auditions.  If I cannot personally bring my son to the auditions, I will ask my mom to bring my son at the venue and will pick them up once my other appointment is done.  I always bring my son wherever I go, be it a business matter or just plain grocery shopping.   We still sleep on one bed.  We're almost inseparable.

Some of you may say that I'm an amazing mom, being able to juggle different roles and responsibilities while I keep my sanity intact.  From the bottom of my heart, I thank you if you think of me that way :)  However, I also have my piece--or rather pieces--of hurt from those people who think that our unconventional lifestyle is not healthy and somehow depriving my son of the good things in life.  I know I don't owe everybody an explanation and cannot please them, but still, there are times that I really mind these comments and drown myself in tears.  One thing that helps me jump back onto my feet is my son and my renewed faith with the Lord.  Yes, he's the source of my inspiration and strength to carry on with my life despite of all those bashings and ridicule.  The Lord is always there for me, providing all of the things that my son and I need on the daily basis.  The Lord has been there in our lives, in good and bad times.

These are some of the things that people ask and think about our family set-up:

1.  Kasi inglisero si Kib.  I admit, I was once one of those people who asks the same thing to parents who taught their children to speak in English more than in Filipino.  When it's my turn to be a parent, there was this unconscious thought in me to teach my son to speak in English.  I call it 'parenting to the next level'.  But it doesn't mean that Kib is sosyalero and does not know how to mingle with ordinary kids.  He is a kid who knows how to mingle with others, the only difference is he speaks in English.  

I guess these people who think that way towards Kib never really tried to know Kib on a deeper level.  Maybe they got intimidated with Kib.  And FYI, nakakaintindi din si Kib ng Tagalog at nakakasalita din ng Tagalog, just bear with his funny Filipino accent and grammar.  

2.  Bakit sya homeschooled?  Paano ang social skills nya?  I must say, we are destined and called by God to homeschool.  Homeschooling is a Christian movement and strongly rooted on Proverbs 22:6 ("Train up a child in a way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it").  One of the first blog entries that I made was about my decision to homeschool (please see blog here).  If people have really tried to know Kib, they will be amazed to know that he is very bubbly and personable and likeable even he is a homeschooled child.

3.  Ikaw ha, child labor yang ginagawa mo.  I thank God for giving Kib good looks and for the modeling opportunities, but it doesn't mean that I let my son work for us, it's illegal and I can be jailed for that.  He has a DOLE work permit.  His earnings are in the bank, it's not wasted.  Even if this was said as a joke, I know it's half-meant. I just say to myself that 'sorry na lang kayo, kahit bata pa ang anak ko kumikita na ng pera'.  

4. Ang tanga mo naman, di mo alam?  This refers to my failed marriage.  There were some people who made me feel that it's my fault why I had a failed marriage.  There were instances that some people also made me feel that it's a sin to have a failed marriage.  This hurt me so much.  I am so happy that I just found a community that welcomes single parents so much that they always pray and shower blessings and affirmations to them.  You are not judged about your past, but they are there to support you in raising a God-fearing child. 

5.  Hindi mo maiiwan si Kib?  I embraced parenthood so much that I somehow never mind not to have my me-time anymore.  I never hired a yaya for my son.  Kib and I are inseparable and I am happy spending most of my time with him.  Kib is trained to entertain himself while I'm working outside or talking with someone.  I let him bring something that will keep him entertained and will not bother me when I have a meeting.  I feel hurt when people invite me for an activity and towards the end of the invitation the event is 'for adults only'.  I would appreciate NOT receiving any invitation at all if no kids will be allowed.  It won't be taken against you, promise.  

There you go....I've shared a piece of our life to you.  I am writing this not to seek affection nor to be pitied upon, but to just simply share how difficult it is to live a life like ours.  Don't worry, I am trying to live a positive life, not dwelling so much with all the negativities that I receive from these people.  I have my family and friends who have been supportive to our journey and I know that God will always be there to supply our needs and praying that our life will be a source of inspiration to others who are also struggling with their own unique family set-up.  Amen to that!

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  1. I love this blog, Donna. I feel that I got to know you a little bit. I really wish we can find the opportunity to get to know each other. :)

    1. I just have to let this out...para bang burden sya sa akin...I feel released when I wrote this down. And yes, looking forward to a 'date', hihi =)

    2. Let's schedule soon! :) We can still do the swimming, you know.

    3. I love swimming! It gives Kib an opportunity to practice his swimming skills, haha =)

  2. I can relate to almost everything, except for the homeschooling part because no matter what I do, I can't seem to extend my patience to teach my very energetic toddler. Actually, also the child labor part because back when I didn't have Brianna yet, I worked in a production house and I don't want her to become a part of that. No judgements to those who want to be exposed to those kinds of jobs, though. To be quite honest, I miss working in prod!

    Anyway, I admire fellow full-time (single) moms who chose this path to take care of the kids despite the financial struggles that come with it and I share the hurt when people can't (and won't even try to) understand what a hard decision this is to make. Believe me, it can't get any more hurtful than having your OWN mom trying to convince you that you're doing a bad job raising a child the way you do.

    This is a pretty sensitive topic for me, too, but I'm just trying to make it work because I know that what I'm doing is what's best for my daughter and that's what matters, right?

    More power to you, Mommy Donna! Keep your head high. You're a mom who wants what's best for your child just like the rest of us; there's definitely nothing wrong with that.

    1. Hi Aleigna! Thanks for dropping by =)

      It's very hard for single moms to be accepted in our society. This blog is a sort of a release for me. I've been overly sensitive and insecure with my marital status for the past years but I've come to forgive myself and accept the reality and move on with my life. Yes, there are still some things to fix with my life, but I know with God's help, I can surpass everything.

      May God also bless you and your daughter =)

  3. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Donna. May God bless you and Kib always.